Cathy the Librarian

I received a letter in the mail today letting me know that the author for a book on getting teens to read, highlighted my blog for teens! I don’t remember the title of the book and the letter is, of course on my desk at work. I will post the title (and the ISBN) so that you can buy it if you want. I emailed all the teen librarians in my system almost immediately, because I was so excited. Chris, who is the teen services woman for Brockport emailed me back to let me know that I would have to sign her minutes of the meeting. Of course, I should have let her know that if she bought a couple of the book, I would sign that too.
Sally said that she bets a bunch of librarians got the letter so that they would buy the book… rrr… but she says that she’s still happy for me (and the library.)

Needless to say, the Parma Library will be getting a copy soon.

ten years is such a long time
and has gone by so quickly
it was only yesterday, wasn’t it?
I was flirting
you were shocked
my parents were concerned
and my sisters with their questions

so unusual and so perfect
Marx Brothers movies
Quake matches
and apple pie

I have grown into a woman
with you by my side
and yet
I still feel 17 years old
and silly
when you waggle those eyes

when did we become adults?
how have these ten years
come upon us
suddenly
unexpectedly
like wild fire
catching and burning
everything in sight

what does this mean
to love another
until it hurts
until you gasp for breath

ten years later
and your hands
still tender
still safe

where would we have been
if not together
two people searching
two people alone

everyday life takes hold
grips and strangles
sometimes bickering
sometimes nagging

we are able to conquer all
realizing what love is
more important
more sacred

a leaf
small and brittle
floats slowly
crumbling
as it passes through
the gentle wind

the earth
grows darker and sparse
unyielding
to the wants and concerns
of people
and of their tears

a cool breeze
shakes the tree
free of their burdens
they look naked
exposed to the earth’s
brutality and wickedness

I wish
I could be
loved tenderly
by a friend

not in a passionate way
but a quiet friendly way
a hug when I cry
a shoulder to lean on
an ear that isn’t ashamed
of what I have to say

sometimes
its hard for me
to even know
what I am thinking

I need someone
who can say
“oh I know what you mean”
and not
just stare at me blankly

I need to be loved
I need a friend

**Update** This post was started on May 29, 2006

I really want to write. I’ve always know this. I was going to get a creative writing degree in college, and was discouraged from doing so (by my parents of course) so I went into journalism, which I didn’t like and changed to English Lit, which was equally, if not more useless. Although the English professors at Geneseo are really neat, so far, I have not had a chance to make use of my knowledge in Elizabethian and Jacobean drama. If you care, here is a list of the English courses I took while at Geneseo:

18th Century British Literature
American Voices: African-American Migration Narrative
Drama: Elizabethan & Jacobean
Exploring the Renaissance
Major Author: Momaday & Silko
Modern American Literature
The Practice of Criticism
Senior Seminar: Sentiment & Scandal
Shakespeare I

I actually have a whole list of my undergrad courses here and my grad courses here.
So far the only really useful course was the Children’s Lit course I took at MCC. Of course it was fun taking weird courses like the Sentiment and Scandal course, in which we read books like Pride and Prejudice and one of the Marquis de Sade’s books. (I’ll have to look at my books to remember which one).

**Update #2** Around here written around May 30, 2006

What renewed my interest in writing were two things:
a BBC original movie about Shakespeare
and an interview in the School Library Journal with the author Lynne Rae Perkins.

I just think that its great to have such an intensity for something. I think I’m pretty intense about being a librarian, but sometimes I don’t get much personal satisfaction from it.

**Update #3** Here is what I actually wrote today, May 31, 2006. My god, is it almost June already?

Great Honk! It’s taken me three days to write this post (I bet you can’t guess why). I have absolutely no idea how I’d write a book.

Oh well, I better just finish this thing (finally) why Jack manages to entertain himself. Damn-it! Already into stuff he should’nt be.

Okay, really quickly. One of the blogs I read, by Patty Uttaro, the director of one of our local public libraries has put forth a challenge (or rather, another librarian blog she reads has)… to read as many books between June 16 – 18 that we can. After that we talk about each one on our own blog. She calls it the 48 Hour Book Challenge. I call it well-nigh a damn miracle if I could even read one book! But anyway, I accept the challenge, and even if I read nothing but children’s books, its still more than I’ve read recently. Plus I really need to get back to reading again.

In closing, I’d better go. Somehow Jack found a tampon and decided that he should give it to me as a gift. What a sweet boy… or something. (I do love him. I just need to find that patience that seems to be missing right now.)

a small sparrow
hides itself
from those larger
not wanting to be eaten
as a cat’s whiskers twitch

teeth clench, head aches
I do not know who I am anymore
remembering, it becomes harder
thinking, it hurts too much

I feel so old

too much to do, too little energy to do it
so many expectations
everyone needs something
I just need to feel normal

just want to stop hurting so much

day closes as night begins
and I am greatful for the darkness