Archive for December, 2006


Thursday, December 28th, 2006

God. Sometime (I hate to say this) I HATE vacations. I feel like I’ve lost my sense of continuity in the world. I’ve hardly been on the Internet. I don’t know what day it is. I know there are things that I should be doing, but when I try and get a list together… Oh and there’s this little thing about my son. Yeh, he won’t let me do anything. Right now he’s screaming and trying to push me out of my chair.

I feel like I need to be doing something, and I know that there’s going to be tons of work when I get back to the library, plus I have to start working on the comic book presentation, but I guess right now I just have to play with my son. Damn. 🙂

Long time no see

Sunday, December 24th, 2006

Wow. It feels like its been forever! I’ve been home on vacation, and with Jack all day… which means that not much gets done. That’s okay. I love him. Still I can’t tell you about all the fascinating stuff that’s happened to mean.

1. I’m still not pregnant. While I’m really trying not to think about it constantly, I do. I’m really ready now! Anytime would be fine… well Jeff’s happy that I’m not pregnant right now because it means he can force me on all the scary rides at Walt Disney World. I can also go in hot tubs, which is a really good thing, and I can still imbibe, which is a pretty good thing, but not worth not being pregnant for.

2. Sally convinced me not to go for the director’s job. She really seemed honest when she said that the library world need young enthusiastic librarians like Adrienne, Stephanie and I to innovate and make libraries exciting. Sally also knows that I like working with people, and my public interaction time would be cut down drastically if I became director. She also reasoned with me that I have only been a librarian since May 2003 (although sometimes it seems much longer than that) and I may want to get more comfortable and secure with my job before moving up to a managerial position. She said that I should want until I’m at least in my thirties and tired/bored/having a mid-life-job crisis before deciding to move on and up. She said that once a director, there’s no going back. Should I decide that I want to be a children’s or teen librarian after being a director, potential new bosses may be worried that I won’t take direction very well, or I might want to take over my boss’ job. Plus she said that she doesn’t want to look for another librarian. She was very persuasive and seemed to convince me almost too easily. So anyway, I’m not going to be the director of Brockport.
3. I was asked to do a presentation in Jamestown on Technology and Teens. I let them know that I was interested, before finding out that they’re nearly three hours away. Then they emailed me back and I found out that I would be giving a THREE HOUR workshop. They would pay for lodging and food, because they’d want me to come the night before. I would talk to between 25 – 40 people… many who are people that work in one person staffed libraries that are mostly operated by volunteers. I think it should be really neat, so I agreed (plus the $1200 I asked for helped too). Unfortunately, its all contingent on them getting a grant that they applied for, so we shall see.

4. I accidentally miscalculated all my vacation time so I had a ton that I had to use and I’ve been on vacation tons these last few weeks. I’ve gotten to spend quite a bit of time with my sister who’s back from North Carolina, and I even got a chance to show her and my sister how to crochet! We’ve had tons of fun. I’ll get to spend all of next week with her and then we’ll be in Walt Disney World for a week and a half, so I get to spend even more time with her!

5. I’ve been crocheting bowls. I know this sounds weird, but I’ve been crocheting with wool and felting them. They are really neat! I want to get some bright red, yellow and blue (and maybe even orange, green and purple) and make some bowls that get progressively bigger and bigger. I haven’t had time yet, but soon. I made two bowls: one for my friend Clorinda, who is going to watch Jack on Christmas eve (gads tomorrow!) so that we can go to our 11pm church service, and I made one for my grandmother. I also made a really sweet purse for my sister-in-law, which I think turned out really well. I keep wanting to take pictures of everything I make, but then forget until after I give it away. Oh well. I’ll take pictures of these.
Hmmm. I think that’s it for now. Oh I went to a girls only party and I drank way too much booze, it was great fun! Unfortunately I stayed up until 5 this morning and only slept 3.5 or 4 hours. I’m tired. Good night!.. and if I don’t see you,


Decision making time

Thursday, December 7th, 2006

Yesterday I received a call from one of the local library board members. One of my coworkers answered the phone and didn’t get anything but the guys name. I immediately thought that he was trying to sell something so I was going to have her tell him that I was in a “meeting”. And don’t tell me you don’t do it, because I know you do. Anyway, she asked him what he was with, and he said that he was from the library. I had no idea why he would be calling me, and then I remembered that they wanted me to create a website for them. Ack. As I was trying to think of good ways to let him down, he started buttering me up about something, letting me know how some of the staff really like me, and that they’ve heard lots of good things about me. That’s when I started getting scared.

That’s when he dropped the bomb.

So what would you think about applying for the director’s position?


He lets me know that there are quite a few board members who are interested in change. One of the board members is connected to the government. They understand that the location of the library has special difficulties, the main one being working with three different municipalities. He said that many of the people working at the library have been there for years and years, and they know what they’re doing.

I told him I would have to think about it. And boy have I been. It seems like it would be a really interesting opportunity. I am a little concerned though…

  • Since people have been there years and years, they might not be as receptive to change.
  • I’d also have to do budgeting, and I’d have to push for more money… I may need to take a workshop on budgeting. I may need to do that anyway.
  • I’d be in charge, so when the “special” patrons come in, I’d be the one that people would call for.
  • I’d have to do yearly reviews.
  • I’d be the boss of people twice my age.
  • I may have to lay people off (how often does that even happen?)
  • I wouldn’t be able to chase kids with puppets (as often) or do programming with the teens, which means no more playing DDR or watching anime.

Even so, I think it would be neat to have the oppurtunity to create good changes, to have an open ear and open mind for the staff that may not get heard too often. I really like people of all ages, which is why I became a librarian. Honestly, the books were really secondary. Sure, I like getting people excited about reading, but what I really like is when people come in and they are happy to see me, when I can make a difference in their day, when someone comes in a little grumpy and I can make them smile. That is why I became a librarian. I like interacting with people.

Sally said that there probably won’t be as much of that if I’m director. I won’t have as much time to interact with the public. I won’t be able to attack the kids with puppets, talk to the teens about manga, or chat up some of the older people. I did talk to Patty from Ogden, and she told me to go for it. She said as director, since I’m in charge, I can do what I want. I can hold an occasional story time or attack the kids. She told me that people like it when the director gets directly involved with the public.

My sister was a little on the fence about the whole thing. She claims that I don’t like making decisions (I have no idea where she got that idea!) and she let me know that I really want to work with teens… all of which is true.

It would also be nice to make more money. Right now I’m on the very low end of 30, and the library director’s position would bring me up to 45. On the other hand, I think I had about 5 or 6 weeks of vacation (because you can carry over 2 weeks) plus I get 12 sick days. This new position would only give me three weeks and 10 sick days. Plus I have absolutely no idea what the health insurance is like. All of these are quite possibly even more important than salary when you have a little guy at home.

Plus, my sister was supposed to do a directed study at my library… 120 hours of free labor.

I don’t know I don’t know.

Blah blah its 12:30 am and I’m old. ack. Time to go to bed.

Saturday, December 2nd, 2006

I occasionally get the chance to wander around other people’s blogs, besides Mindless Rants on Life, WATAT and Momchops, of which I regularly stomp through. I had a chance to stomp through Ottoman Empire three.0.

I’ve also created a new blog… yea yea, I know. Shut up about it. It’s called I don’t know the title, but its got a blue cover (or blue cover for short)

She requested that I (although all I’ve done is post the songs, not actually do much crossing out):

Go to and select the year you became 18. Paste the list of the top 75 songs. Bold the ones you liked; strike the ones you disliked; and italicize the ones you know but don’t exactly like nor dislike. The ones you don’t know will stay common text.

1. Barbie Girl – Aqua
2. ESPN Presents Jock Jams – Various Artists
3. Wannabe – Spice Girls
4. Tubthumping – Chumbawamba
5. To The Moon and Back – Savage Garden
6. You Make Me Wanna – Usher
7. I Like It Like That – Blackout All-Stars
8. Hard To Say I’m Sorry – Az Yet
9. Crash Into Me – Dave Matthews Band
10. Fly – Sugar Ray
11. How Do I Live – LeAnn Rimes
12. Da’ Dip – Freak Nasty
13. It’s Your Love – Tim McGraw & Faith Hill
14. Let Me Clear My Throat – DJ Kool
15. Missing You – Puff Daddy & Faith Evans
16. 2 Become 1 – Spice Girls
17. MMMBop – Hanson
18. Fly Like An Eagle – Seal
19. Say You’ll Be There – Spice Girls
20. For You I Will – Monica
21. Butterfly Kisses – Bob Carlisle
22. I Believe In You And Me – Whitney Houston
23. This Is Your Night – Amber
24. A Long December – Counting Crows
25. Show Me Love – Robyn
26. We Trying To Stay Alive – Wyclef Jean
27. Semi Charmed Life – Third Eye Blind
28. Mo Money Mo Problems – Notorious B.I.G.
29. Say… If You Feel Alright – Crystal Waters
30. The Impression That I Get – Mighty Mighty Bosstones
31. I Want You – Savage Garden
32. Song 2 – Blur
33. CoCo Jamboo – Mr. President
34. Love Rollercoaster – Red Hot Chili Peppers
35. Head Over Heels – Allure
36. All Mixed Up – 311
37. Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down – Puff Daddy
38. Honey – Mariah Carey
39. Spice Up Your Life – Spice Girls
40. Ooh Aah… Just a Little Bit – Gina G
41. Dancehall Queen – Beenie Man
42. Building A Mystery – Sarah McLachlan
43. I Say A Little Prayer – Diana King
44. Santeria – Sublime
45. Barely Breathing – Duncan Sheik
46. Men In Black – Will Smith
47. Wrong Way – Sublime
48. Criminal – Fiona Apple
49. Where’s The Love – Hanson
50. Your Woman – White Town
51. You Were Meant For Me – Jewel
52. Firestarter – Prodigy
53. Feel So Good – Mase
54. Where Have All The Cowboys Gone – Paula Cole
55. If It Makes You Happy – Sheryl Crow
56. Don’t Go Away – Oasis
57. Staring At The Sun – U2
58. Lovefool – The Cardigans
59. Blood On The Dancefloor – Michael Jackson
60. Thirty Three – Smashing Pumpkins
61. Secret Garden – Bruce Springsteen
62. Desperately Wanting – Better Than Ezra
63. How Bizarre – OMC
64. I’m Not A Player – Big Punisher
65. Quit Playin’ Games (With My Heart) – Backstreet Boys
66. Daylight Fading – Counting Crows
67. All Cried Out – Allure
68. Dream – Forest For The Trees
69. Push – Matchbox 20
70. Alright – Jamiroquai
71. The Freshmen – The Verve Pipe
72. The Rascal King – The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
73. The Old Apartment – Barenaked Ladies
74. Hell – Squirrel Nut Zippers
75. All By Myself – Celine Dion

More seizure research

Saturday, December 2nd, 2006

I’ve been doing a tiny bit more research about seizures, because:

  1. I want to get pregnant again
  2. Its been really really hard, no matter how much we work at it
  3. My cycles have been really strange and sporadic
  4. I’m worried that the drugs might harm the baby
  5. My mom told me that once my dad was seizure free after a couple years, he was allowed to go off the medicine, but for some reason I thought the doctor said I had to be on it forever

As I was looking it up on the Internet, mostly at the National Institute of Neurological Disorders. I found out that my seizure auras were actually mini seizures. Jeff tells me that the doctor told me about this at her office, but I think the whole thing is still sometimes a shock to me. Knowing that, I’ve actually had AT LEAST eight seizures, which includes all the auras and the grand mal seizure.

An aura seizure:
Some people with focal seizures, especially complex focal seizures, may experience auras — unusual sensations that warn of an impending seizure. These auras are actually simple focal seizures in which the person maintains consciousness. The symptoms an individual person has, and the progression of those symptoms, tend to be stereotyped, or similar every time.

The symptoms of focal seizures can easily be confused with other disorders. For instance, the dreamlike perceptions associated with a complex focal seizure may be misdiagnosed as migraine headaches, which also may cause a dreamlike state. The strange behavior and sensations caused by focal seizures also can be is taken for symptoms of narcolepsy, fainting, or even mental illness. It may take many tests and careful monitoring by an experienced physician to tell the difference between epilepsy and other disorders.

Reading this and actually having it are two very different things. The auras made me feeling like I was reliving a dream I had, but I would get really dizzy and have the shivers at the same time. I’d had these at really strange times. I remember one had come while I was serving pizza at the summer reading party in 2005. Poor me, I had no idea what was happening. Luckily, the auras weren’t usually obvious to anyone but me, so I was the only one who was scared.

The thing that kills me is that I had no idea what was happening to me, no one talks to you about seizures. They tell you all about depression, mood disorders, heart attacks, Parkinson’s disease, but not about seizures. According to the site, there are “More than 2 million people in the United States — about 1 in 100 — have experienced an unprovoked seizure or been diagnosed with epilepsy.” Somehow I think that may warrant more information being made available to people about seizures. If I had any idea that the dizzy spells that I was having were actually mini seizures leading up to my grand mal, I may have been much more actively trying to go to the doctor, instead of waiting until my big seizure sent me to the emergency department.

Grand mal seizures (aka, tonic-clonic seizures) are:

seizures that cause a mixture of symptoms, including loss of consciousness, stiffening of the body, and repeated jerks of the arms and legs. In the past these seizures were sometimes referred to as grand mal seizures.
I don’t remember any of that happening, but Jeff said that it scared the shit out of him.
I don’t really know where I was trying to go with this post, but I’ve been trying to get pregnant and I’m slightly afraid that the drugs are preventing me, and may harm the baby, since the drug I’m taking is relatively new, and doctors don’t think there will be any harm to the baby, but even so there’s a registry learn more information about the relative safety of specific antiepileptic drugs (AEDs) during pregnancy.
I’ve sort of lost my train of thought, and now I’m sad thinking about all of this, so I’m going to take my Lamictal and go to sleep… I love that the medicine I’m taking is also for bipolar disorder. Yummy in my tummy.