Archive for the ‘Personal Writings’ Category

What does one use a blog for nowadays?

Wednesday, November 30th, 2022

I haven’t used a blog in a long time, but I sent a survey out to library parents, asking them what kinds of technology programs they would like and one of the things they said was blogs. They also mentioned creative writing, which I tried, but no one came to, but we won’t discuss that.

So, I thought to myself, I need to bring back my blog and make another attempt. What does one write about in blogs? Usually they focus on one thing or another, and don’t traipse around, willy nilly, but my brain doesn’t focus on one thing or another. It floats around without much focus…. so. Maybe some things you should know about me, should you fall into my blog.

1. I’m a children’s librarian in Rochester NY. I love doing storytimes and celebrating reading to them. I also like doing programs where the kids are totally invested in it. Whether that be crafts, or Minecraft, or whatever.

2. I can’t focus long enough to finish a book very often. I have LOTS of books that I’ve started, but it takes a very good book for me to finish it. Thank goodness for Libby where I have a list of books that I’ve checked out and how far I’ve gotten into them.

3. I like writing poetry and sometimes short stories. I’m not good by any means, but I like writing. It makes me think differently, which is fun.

4. I love running, even though I’m not what one would look at and say “wow, she’s a runner”. Still, I mostly enjoy it and I LOVE the people I run with.

5. I love making crafts. Unfortunately, I get obsessed with a craft, then stop after a few weeks. My most recent obsession was wire wrapping. Before that it was goddess bracelets.

6. I love my family. They’re a bunch of very silly, very unique people and they make my days much easier to handle…. for the most point. Sometimes there are days they drive me bonkers, but that’s all families.

Well… there you go. These are the things I’m likely to write about. At least I’ll try. It’ll probably be like my crafts, where I get obsessed for a while, then give up.

still here part duex

Saturday, July 5th, 2008

Here I am again to warn you… POETRY ALERT!!
After typing down these poems, I realized that this is often how I write poetry. I try not to think about them too much, but I blast them out as quickly as possible, which is why, as you’ll find out, instead of naming the poems, I just gave them the date and time that I wrote them. Plus, I find that giving names to poems is often more time consuming than actually writing the poems.
I also want to let you know that I am not depressed. These poems may allude to a great inner turmoil. I am sad, but I’m not even sad all the time. I usually get into my “poetry mood” by putting in a Sting cd (especially “Soul Cages”) or listening to my “sad mix” on my mp3 player, mostly Whale Rider, which if you have seen it, you’ll understand. I also don’t make a habit of writing happy poems. Its not really my thing. I don’t think I will ever be allowed to write children’s poetry. Shel Silverstein and Jack Prelutsky I am not.
Here’s the original message:
I’ve not been up to writing. Every time I think about writing, I see that post and.. blah. However Jeff has been pestering me to write again, so I figure I should. When I say I haven’t been writing, that’s not absolutely true. I have a paper journal that I sometimes write in. One night in June I wrote almost a dozen poems about feeling bummed and helpless. I started to think that since my sister can get up the courage to put her poetry up on her blog… I guess I can too. They’re really awful, so I warn you now. Of course you won’t see this until after you read my stuff, so maybe I should warn you after too. :)

BTW, I’m doing better, but then I get to thinking about it, or I see a very pregnant person and I get all melancholy. Its interesting though, if I have to let someone I haven’t seen in a while know about it I feel like I need to console them and let them know its okay. Maybe that’s the public servant in me, needing to make sure that everyone’s okay.

06/24/08 11:40 pm

Saturday, July 5th, 2008

sometimes I feel
so beat down
so hollowed out
I no longer feel real
a rag doll
with the stuffing removed
a book with the pages torn out
an empty ripped up bag
I feel sometimes
like no one understands
I am alone and stranded
in a dark and treacherous land
unable to see
I trip and stumble
I scrape my knees
there is no one to guide me
no one to settle my thoughts
no one to put me at ease
no one to set me free
I sometimes feel
old and used up
dry and brittle
ancient and alone
waiting for the moment to come
that one moment to change my life
but it never does
I call out
hoping for an answer back
but in the darkness
all I hear is my echoing question
over and
over and
over again

BTW, I don’t really feel that way. I know that I am truly blessed with some great friends that look out for me and offer me support. Many of you read my blog. I’d say that you can’t even begin to imagine how much you guys mean to me right now, but I think you can… which helps even more because you know how I feel. I try letting people know that I’m okay, and mostly I am, but on nights like these I just get so bummed when I absentmindedly rub my belly, thinking the baby is there or when I see an outfit that I’ve already bought, or I think about what the baby might have been like. On those nights I just want to spend some time being sad. I’m not depressed. I can be happy. How could I not be happy when I have such a joy in my life? Jack is so precious to me. I cannot even imagine what I would do without him, and I do not wish to imagine what I would do.
Anyway. I just want to say thanks.

06/24/08 11:36 pm

Saturday, July 5th, 2008

some moments
I just feel
so old
so used up
so tired
and it makes me wonder
why do people do this
day after day after day
and then
I look in his deep brown eyes
my eyes
and I hear his laughter
and I see his crooked smile
so pure
so innocent
and I begin to realize
this is why I go on
day after day after day
just to soak up his sunlight
and hear his laughter
this is why

06/23/08 11:00 pm

Saturday, July 5th, 2008

who am I
to expect any more
when I desire the world
and I am handed
a small crumpled piece of paper
and empty promises

where can I go
to open my wings
to open my mind
and let myself soar

06/23/08 10:45 pm and 10:53 pm

Saturday, July 5th, 2008

These poems were really too awful to post, but I thought I should let you know that I wrote them.

06/23/08 10:36 pm

Saturday, July 5th, 2008

wake up
wake up

was it all a nightmare
you’re still not here with me
and I can feel the emptiness
a tight hard ache in my chest
can this be removed and
tossed away?

why can’t I just forget
I was frightened too
even though you’ll never know
I can never forget
the feel of you was too real
to fleeting before you were gone
and I was alone again

alone with my thoughts
and this tightness in my chest
that will not go away

06/23/08 10:29 pm

Saturday, July 5th, 2008

who were you to be
would you give good kisses
warm hugs
and laugh as bright
as the sun
would you find every moment
just as precious as I do
even when I must spend it
without you

would you cry
when mommy has to leave
or would you forget
as soon as the door has closed

I can never forget
tiny hear beats
tiny flutters
tiny hands
I will never see

would you have been
a good person
sharing your smile
with the world

I will never know

06/23/08 10:23 pm

Saturday, July 5th, 2008

why are there no answers
only questions
left unfulfilled
such pressure
I am buzzing with it
I know I will never
break from its grip
I am trapped
with no where to go
no going forward
no going back
and definitely no standing
oh if only my
heart my
would slow
release this

06/23/08 10:15 pm

Saturday, July 5th, 2008

a light breeze
brushes away the hairs
tickling my face
I need so much right now
so slightly
I smell lilacs
before they are gone

I feel anger
frothing in me
waiting for me to
burst at the seams
but its not proper
to scream
to question God
to ask for answers
that will never come
to tremble
so much
with empty arms