Cathy the Librarian

Monday I decided to go to the doctor’s to get checked out for the spotting. Once I got to the office at around 3 pm, I started bleeding a lot more. After waiting almost two hours, I finally got to see the doctor. By that time I was having pretty awful cramps and the bleeding got really heavy. The doctor said that it was most likely a miscarriage, but she wanted me to go to the hospital for an ultrasound to make sure.  By the time I left (Jeff came to pick me up, the sweetie) it was 5:45 pm.

We got to Strong, and they got us in pretty quickly. The bleeding just seemed to get heavier and heavier. They put an IV on me and drew some blood. One of the people doing it was a student, and it hurt quite a bit. Jeff watched my face, and my expression was too much for him to handle, so he almost passed out. Poor guy. Throughout the whole thing Jeff was really good to me.

Eventually we got in for the ultrasound. They said that there really wasn’t anything in there except for some clots, and that by the look of it, there probably hadn’t been a baby there anyway. What probably happened is that my body absorbed the baby much earlier and my body still thought I was pregnant.

Finally we checked out at about midnight. Just as we were leaving, I started feeling dizzy and sweaty so I sat down. I started feeling worse, so I went up to Jeff and then I passed out in his arms. I came to pretty quick, but I realized that I hadn’t eaten in about 11 hours.  They brought me back in, I had some icky cookies and some orange juice, and after a couple minutes, I felt better. We went out and Jeff got me a roast beef sandwich, and the new medicine I needed to take.  We eventually got home at 12:45 am.

Early on I felt horrible. Eventually I started feeling better and by the ultrasound, I was ready to move on. However now I’m starting to feel very melancholy, and I just want to sleep.  At first, I wasn’t sure whether or not to post this, but I think I really needed to write things down and get things off my chest. It helped a little, but I still feel a little sad. I might be pretty useless for the next couple days, I think.

Thanks for everyone’s prayers. It really feels good to know that when I really need people, they are there for me. I love all of you. 🙂

Have they all gone mad? I started this post before Friday when the bleeding started, and I’m even more furious now… which I wouldn’t think possible, but it is. I’m having trouble with my pregnancy and I would love this kid to pieces, and then there are other people that… well… I suggest having tissues with you. Or something to punch.

Mom tapes a pacifier to child’s mouth

Three year old dies in car accident, due to not being in a car seat — what’s worse is that after the accident, the family all posted weird rip messages to the baby on myspace.

Parents leave child is stroller while on Disney ride.

Vegan parents feed baby herbal tea, flax seed oil, fruit juices and soy drinks

Mother Microwaves Newborn in Microwave – this is on Snopes, so you have to go through the fiction stories to get to the true ones at the bottom.

Boy kept in closet for days on end, and dies in closet

Okay, so Jeff will yell at me for posting about this, and Sam will be mad at me for not calling her, and maybe this post will suddenly disappear out of embarrassed, but I need to get it out.

Friday after work, I went to pick up Jack at my mom’s house. I went to use the bathroom, and there was blood. I called the doctor (and the doctor said) no more jumping on the bed, or lifting anything or cleaning the house (yeh, like that’ll happen) or moving around too much. He didn’t really go into any details, just said if it gets worse, call the doctor on Monday, and then he hung up. (Without even saying good-bye)

I have continued to bleed since then. I’ve talked to a couple people about it, and they each knew someone who’s bled throughout their pregnancy, including my mom (Sam, you trouble maker). This doesn’t really make me feel much better, even though I know it should. I’m usually highly emotional anyway, so this just aggravates the emotional side of me. I know, logically, that I shouldn’t worry too much and that I should take it easy, but I can’t help it! Plus I keep thinking, was it the DDR? I know I’ve had coffee, not every day, but… Am I not drinking enough water? Was I getting too worked up about summer reading going well? Am I carrying my 38 pound two year old around too much? Could it be the Lamicital (for my seizures), which they say is okay, but do they really know?

So now I have to just hang around, not doing much. I missed the Corn Hill Arts Festival, which would have been hot and a lot of walking. Plus I’m worried now that the doctor won’t let me go to California. Of course, what’s more important, the health of your child or a couple hundred bucks. I’m actually already out about $450 because I was supposed to go on a cruise for the first time IN JANUARY which is when I’m due. 🙁

Well at least I’m mostly healthy. Jack and Jeff are healthy. Hopefully my little (girl) is still healthy too.

I wrote this one for someone special that’s going through some hard times. She’s been really down and calling me constantly, which is okay, because I hope that talking to me helps. I love her a lot and I hope she’s not annoyed at me…

she is lost
in thoughts she cannot
control

she is frightened
to open her eyes and see
the future

she is concerned
for those who have already
left her behind

she is reminded
that in order to be happy
she must let go

she is strong
yet she doesn’t know that
her greatest strength
is her mind

she is afraid
that maybe she’s already
moved on and forgotten
that

she didn’t want to let go