I just lost 2 hours and 23 minutes watching one of the worst movies ever. (Jeff says that it can’t be the worst ever because I didn’t realize it was over two hours until just now. I think it was mostly because I spent the whole time screaming at the screen.) Unfortunately, not everyone believes me. I cannot believe that on Rotten Tomatoes it got as many good reviews as it did. Curious yet? It was Transformers.
My sister and I spent most of the movie hiding our faces and making fun of them. The transformers were all idiots, the government was full of idiots,
Shia LaBeouf was an idiot, his parents were idiots, and I was an idiot for watching the whole thing. There were soldiers too, and they were about the only intelligent people in the whole movie. Even the people who were supposed to be smart didn’t seem too smart.
The whole movie was unconvincing, and I’m not talking about two opposing groups of autonomous robotic life forms coming to earth and killing each other in order to get this special cube that is host to extraordinary amounts of power. Enough to destroy earth. Of course, before they destroy the earth, they want to steal all the earth’s knowledge… hmm, if I’m a robot with the ability to cross the galaxy and the ability to harness incredible amounts of power that humans can’t even begin to understand, do you think I’m going to care what a race of measly humans know? On the other hand, if these robots are smart enough to traverse the universe, wouldn’t you think that they would be reasonably intelligent? Even the robots are idiots (which I said before, but I want to repeat my point). Their mannerisms are silly, they say completely silly things and they behave like 11 year old boys. Of course, that could be their target audience. Who cares about the 28 year old woman who remembers watching it when she was a kid? Its not like she is very likely to buy transformer toys or anything… (well, not anymore, anyway).
The cube that the transformers are looking for contains UNIMAGINABLE amounts of power. And yet, the robots need a pair of glasses with the cube’s coordinates etched into them in order to find it. Don’t you think that if something has that much power within it and you were a robot with some pretty impressive powers yourself, that you would be able to sense the cube?
I mean even us pathetic humans radiate heat energy and we’re nothing. Don’t you think that something that powerful would release some energy or leave a mark somehow? I know that I’m thinking too much, but I really hate it when movies treat us like we’re all idiots. Sometimes movies play to the lowest common denominator. I guess that if situations are unrealistic within the real world, I get distracted and can’t get into the movie. As I said before, I can believe the autonomous robots from space. What I can’t believe is that soldiers would be allowed to use video instant messenger in order to talk to family members. I know I know. Nit picky stuff. But that kind of stuff bothers me, when you know that rather than taking the time to do a little research and find out the truth, they go the route of sentimentality. I know I know! Stupid! Why can’t I just enjoy the movie? For the same reason that I had to do some research on my own to make sure that soldiers really couldn’t do something like that. As far as I can tell, they can’t. They can send videos, but no real time videos. I found a couple of sites that help you do that: Army FRG and My Army Life Too, but nothing beyond that. I am willing to take a big leap and say that they probably wouldn’t allow stuff like that because of two big things: security and trauma. If their camp gets bombed while the officer is talking to his/her mom and they die, what kind of effect is that going to have on the family?
Anyway, its things like this that ruin movies for me. Not the extraordinary stuff, but the little things that they didn’t take the time to make realistic. I’m sure other people will like it.
I think I’ve even forgotten what I’m trying to say, so I’ll end with this. Transformers was a stupid movie. Not a fun stupid like Evil Dead or Pecker. A stupid stupid like, well… I’ll have to think about that one.
Good night. I’m off to read some scary kids books now, and not STUPID scary.