Cathy the Librarian

We’ve been talking about it for awhile, but we finally did it tonight. We put Phoebe down. I really didn’t think it would hurt as much as it did. I know I know, I’m a heartless bitch. But really, she puked EVERYWHERE, she had to be given steroids for the vomiting, that didn’t really work, she wasn’t cleaning herself anymore. Really she was a dirty icky cat. But she was really sweet too. She would let Jack lie on top of her and she wouldn’t move for a minute or two. She would go to sleep somewhere and you’d be able to hear her snoring from another room. She used to sleep in the sink and she’d play with the water (in the sink, or while you were taking a shower). She used to sleep on Jeff’s head… of course there was that awful night where she threw up on his head while Jeff was sleeping.

I guess Jeff and I were just tired of all the steroids that didn’t work, the expensive food that didn’t help and the vomit where you least expected it… on Jack’s toy train, on books, or underneath Jack’s shoes, which he got ALL OVER the bottom of his shoes and then ran around the house in without my knowledge until I scraped what I thought was cranberry bread off the floor with my fingers and very quickly realized it was cat vomit.

Gross.

Still she was a pretty good cat, and it was pretty hard watching the whole thing. Jeff and I decided that at least we could be decent enough to stay through the whole thing. She was so good through the whole thing. The vet gave her the sedative to numb her up and she stayed aware for quite awhile. They said that she would probably be out after ten minutes, but I think it was more like 15-20 minutes. We sat there and petted her the whole time. Jack included. We figured that he was too little to realize what was going on and I didn’t want to wait for Jeff in the waiting room until it was over. I really didn’t expect to cry so much, but I guess I still loved her a lot.

The vet and the nurses all seemed to agree that there really wasn’t much we could have done for her, and that she could have internal damage from the steroids. Of course they may have just been telling us to make us feel better.

Good-bye Phoebe.

The quote is from the Mickey Mouse song, although what it has to do with my post, I do not know.
Anyway, long time no see.

Lots has been going on.

1) School has started. THANK GAWD! I love those teens, but they were so bored, they were driving me mad. Leaving butts all over the library, throwing food and paint at the building, beating each other up. You get the idea. I really try to stand up for them and listen to them, but sometimes its REALLY hard.

2) I went to Webster for a staff exchange day. It was so great! I love that Adrienne (kids librarian) gets to lie on the floor of her office to look at books and prepare for story time. One of my co-workers said I could do that, but I’d get rolled over or stepped on. The library is gi-normous! You need to call people to talk to them, not just holler or twirl your seat around. There are three people at the Reference desk (we don’t even have a reference desk). Everything is bright and clean. Adrienne has her own story time room, and TONS of crafty stuff. She has a dedicated staff just for children’s services, plus there are two (ish) teen librarians. Sigh. It was a lot of fun and interesting.

On the other hand, I REALLY like where I’m working. Everyone is really close, there is no reference desk (which is good because it gives me more ordering/programming time, but bad because I don’t have much reference desk experience), everyone knows eachother. They like me (they really like me).

This does lead me to some other things I’d like to talk about:

3) Sometimes I feel VERY overwhelmed, like I’m definately taking on too much. There is a class for librarians on managing stress. I may try to take that. Maybe they will teach me how to meditate…  Unfortunately, this is completely my fault, because I added all the new programs. The only one that was in place as a yearly continuing program was story time. I sometimes feel that I have too much on my plate and it makes me frazzled. Double unfortunately, I want to make everyone (except myself, it seems) happy. I’m a people pleaser, or try to be. I have a couple big projects that I’m doing now that have a deadline. Plus there are other little projects that I have taken on, never mind ordering books and programming. Especially the story times. I’ve been wanting to explore new ways to do story time. Which leads me to story time.

4) I love story times. I put out surveys to see when people want story times, I advertise within the library and one of my coworkers puts notices in the newspapers. I HEAVE fliers at them. Everyone calls asking about story time. Begging for story time.

Four kids signed up for the 3 – 5 years and four kids for the 1 – 2 years. I asked one woman with small kids and she said “We don’t do story time.” Well fine. Neither do I. Oh, don’t worry, I’ll give it a couple of weeks.

I also did a drop in, evening story time. EVERYONE was begging me! “Why in God’s name, don’t you do an evening drop in story time? We don’t want to sign up. We work, and we want it at night.” So, I do it and how many people show up? ONE. And the only reason she showed up is because one of my co-workers drove her to the library (she was her granddaughter). Sigh.

Finally.

I have been having more dizzy spells again. I keep trying to forget about them, mostly because I’m really scared. Of course that’s probably the last thing I should be doing.

These spells are strange. Someone will say something that’ll get me thinking and suddenly the dizzy spell will come on. I don’t know if its because I shouldn’t be thinking too hard, or what. I get a dry throat flushed in my face and I get sweaty. Plus of course the dizziness. Jeff says I should be keeping track of them… and not like the time I said that I was going to keep track of everything I bought and post it here. Maybe next year. Anyway, I’m going to call my mom and then the doctor next week. Jeff’s orders.

I guess that’s it.

Oh, wait. I want to get a custom made earring known as a twister from Primitive Impressions. I’ve seen them and they look really interesting. However, they need to be custom made because they’ll be going through all the holes in my left ear and the holes in my left ear are a little different from the holes in someone else’s ear. Curious, and interesting. We shall see. Got to talk to the hubby, although I’ve mostly convinced myself. The only thing that’s holding me back is the PSP. I’m going to get one so I can play Loco Roco, show pictures/video and listen to MP3s. Fun!

Now I’m off to Slumberland.

The quote is from the Mickey Mouse song, although what it has to do with my post, I do not know.
Anyway, long time no see.

Lots has been going on.

1) School has started. THANK GAWD! I love those teens, but they were so bored, they were driving me mad. Leaving butts all over the library, throwing food and paint at the building, beating each other up. You get the idea. I really try to stand up for them and listen to them, but sometimes its REALLY hard.

2) I went to Webster for a staff exchange day. It was so great! I love that Adrienne (kids librarian) gets to lie on the floor of her office to look at books and prepare for story time. One of my co-workers said I could do that, but I’d get rolled over or stepped on. The library is gi-normous! You need to call people to talk to them, not just holler or twirl your seat around. There are three people at the Reference desk (we don’t even have a reference desk). Everything is bright and clean. Adrienne has her own story time room, and TONS of crafty stuff. She has a dedicated staff just for children’s services, plus there are two (ish) teen librarians. Sigh. It was a lot of fun and interesting.

On the other hand, I REALLY like where I’m working. Everyone is really close, there is no reference desk (which is good because it gives me more ordering/programming time, but bad because I don’t have much reference desk experience), everyone knows eachother. They like me (they really like me).

This does lead me to some other things I’d like to talk about:

3) Sometimes I feel VERY overwhelmed, like I’m definately taking on too much. There is a class for librarians on managing stress. I may try to take that. Maybe they will teach me how to meditate…  Unfortunately, this is completely my fault, because I added all the new programs. The only one that was in place as a yearly continuing program was story time. I sometimes feel that I have too much on my plate and it makes me frazzled. Double unfortunately, I want to make everyone (except myself, it seems) happy. I’m a people pleaser, or try to be. I have a couple big projects that I’m doing now that have a deadline. Plus there are other little projects that I have taken on, never mind ordering books and programming. Especially the story times. I’ve been wanting to explore new ways to do story time. Which leads me to story time.

4) I love story times. I put out surveys to see when people want story times, I advertise within the library and one of my coworkers puts notices in the newspapers. I HEAVE fliers at them. Everyone calls asking about story time. Begging for story time.

Four kids signed up for the 3 – 5 years and four kids for the 1 – 2 years. I asked one woman with small kids and she said “We don’t do story time.” Well fine. Neither do I. Oh, don’t worry, I’ll give it a couple of weeks.

I also did a drop in, evening story time. EVERYONE was begging me! “Why in God’s name, don’t you do an evening drop in story time? We don’t want to sign up. We work, and we want it at night.” So, I do it and how many people show up? ONE. And the only reason she showed up is because one of my co-workers drove her to the library (she was her granddaughter). Sigh.

Finally.

I have been having more dizzy spells again. I keep trying to forget about them, mostly because I’m really scared. Of course that’s probably the last thing I should be doing.

These spells are strange. Someone will say something that’ll get me thinking and suddenly the dizzy spell will come on. I don’t know if its because I shouldn’t be thinking too hard, or what. I get a dry throat flushed in my face and I get sweaty. Plus of course the dizziness. Jeff says I should be keeping track of them… and not like the time I said that I was going to keep track of everything I bought and post it here. Maybe next year. Anyway, I’m going to call my mom and then the doctor next week. Jeff’s orders.

I guess that’s it.

Oh, wait. I want to get a custom made earring known as a twister from Primitive Impressions. I’ve seen them and they look really interesting. However, they need to be custom made because they’ll be going through all the holes in my left ear and the holes in my left ear are a little different from the holes in someone else’s ear. Curious, and interesting. We shall see. Got to talk to the hubby, although I’ve mostly convinced myself. The only thing that’s holding me back is the PSP. I’m going to get one so I can play Loco Roco, show pictures/video and listen to MP3s. Fun!

Now I’m off to Slumberland.

And I’m going to Disney World (in Florida) with my husband, parents, two sisters and my son who will be NINE MONTHS AT THE TIME. Yee gads, I don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into. At least I’ll be able to ride the Dumbo ride with him. I have no idea how we are going to do this. Oh well at least you will get all the sordid details at a later (we are going in January) date.

Wish me luck!

We are all so busy all the time. Life just seems so crazy and we get caught up in so many busy little things, that we never have time for all those things we really want to do or all the really important things that we should do. Take the time to get in touch people that you’ve lost contact with and been thinking of.
Okay, so I know that I’m rambling, but this all comes from finding out that my choir director passed away. Well, really she was my ex-choir director. She became a lay pastor and joined another church. Then quite suddenly, she found out that she had cancer. The last time I had seen her, she didn’t seem sick at all, so while I knew that she was sick, I had no idea how sick she was. I had been meaning for a while to visit her, or write her a letter, something… anything. But, then I found out that thinking and maybes are worth nothing if you don’t actually do anything about it. All my good intentions were for naught, because she passed away anyway.
I don’t really know what to say, but I guess I should say something about her. She wasn’t nearly that old. But I guess most people are ever old enough to die. She had young grandchildren who should have gotten to know her better, but they never will get to know her as well as they should have. She had so many ideas and such creativity. She was caring and wonderful. She had a story (sometimes a little too long, but no one’s perfect) to tell about everything and for every situation. She loved music and loved sharing it with everyone. I am so grateful that I have gotten to know her, but I don’t think I ever had enough time. Do we ever have enough time? Its at times like these that I think how petty everything is sometimes. We get caught up in the lives of Hollywood stars and need to have every new purse and shoe that comes out. Then something like this happens and BAM everything seems to wrong.

Here’s to you Jane. I love you.

Bender, Jane Breitkruz October 1, 2005. She is survived by her husband, Richard A. Bender; daughter, Catherine (Gregory) Zalewski; sister, Martha (Al) Durrell; grandchildren, Alexander, Lukas Zalewski. Friends may call Wednesday 2-3 PM at the Union Presbyterian Church, 1 Browns Ave., Scottsville, 14546. A Funeral Service will be immediately following at 3 pm. In lieu of flowers, contributions in her memory may be made to Grace Urban Ministries, 860 Dewey Ave., Rochester 14613. Anthony Funeral & Cremation Chapels 2305 Monroe Ave., 244-0770