January 20th, 2005 by cathy

(oh my god. My cat just puked on my papasan chair. It makes me so ill. I hate her so much. oh great, now the dog just ate some of it. blek.)

People keep trying to remind me that women have been giving birth for thousands of years, and that due to all the leaps in medical technology women don’t need to “suffer” anymore. But I still don’t know what to expect. Lots of women have told me, don’t worry about it 20 minutes and you’ll have a baby. Unfortunately, I spoke to my mom, and she said that labor was really long and intense. Great. Thanks a lot mom and grandma. Luckily my mom is going to be in the delivery room, so I’ll be able to yell at her a lot (instead of my husband, who will stil be there, but I won’t have to yell at him. Well as much.) I vaguely remember my mom being in labor with my youngest sister. She was pacing back and forth and my dad was timing her contractions. I’m guessing it will be a couple hours of pain, with bones breaking and things spreading apart and lots of crying.

I’m also petrified of the epidural. Needles in the back, unable to feel my lower body and having a catheter in the back and the possibility of back problems after birth are pretty discouraging. Plus I looked up information on epidurals, and came across this faq. I’ve been trying (although not so hard recently) to educate myself, but maybe it would be better if I didn’t know anything. Ergh! I really don’t know if I want an epidural (well I know I don’t want an epidural), but I don’t want to have to go through all the pain either. The things we do to ensure that we are remembered when we die, and so that our family line is carried on. Stupid.

I think a little bit of me is scared of being responcible for another life (we have a dog and two cats, but I don’t think they expect very much, and as long as we don’t beat them, they probably won’t be traumatized) and it will be a small defenseless life at that. I’ve been wanting to say that yes, I am ready, but some part of me doesn’t really believe it. I want my child to be well rounded and a good citizen, but it’ll mean I have to be so dedicated and conscious of everything that happens to him. It sounds like a lot of work! But I guess that when its your own child you’re talking about, maybe it doesn’t always seem like work. Who knows. I sure as hell don’t. At least I’ll make sure that he reads. I guess thats part of the package when your mom’s a children’s librarian. You have to read.

Comments are closed.