Cathy the Librarian

How to say this without feeling like an idiot? Although when I am at work and I’m forced to be extroverted in order to make patrons comfortable, I’m really very shy and socially inept. I have a lot of trouble talking to people, completing sentences, starting conversations, and generally trying to put myself in social situations. I think sometimes its even worse when I’m in social situations, because its so very obvious that I’m trying to be extroverted.

Oh and did I mention, I have trouble putting thoughts together.

ANYWAY. I don’t have too many friends. I have a couple, but with the baby and my inability to drive, I don’t get around much. I see the people at work, the people at my church, Jeff and my sisters. Not much socializing. I think that the things that’s are really keeping me from making friends are all that I just mentioned. I’ll blame it on my parents because they are introverted too and they don’t have very many friends either.

Posts like these remind me why people don’t have electronic journals, but regular paper journals. I should probably be one of those people right now.

I hate it! I want to get other people’s opinions. I want to know what other people are thinking about. I want to be able to say, “Hey come over and play (DDR, Hearts, Spit, Catch Phrase…). I have a cabinet full of tea and coffee and Sirius so we can listen to new wave music all night long.” Yeah, that would be nice. I can’t even remember to introduce people when they don’t know eachother.

I can’t believe that I’m still typing. I think I must be forgetting what I’m typing as soon as I write it. But I’m still typing, aren’t I… I think I need someone like Jimny Crickett to watch over me.

Anyway again. Now that you know that I can’t hold a conversation worth beans, I don’t really know where to go with this post… hmm, sadly appropriate, I guess.

How this post started was from a card that I received. Actually, this has been the third card that I received, and I’d like to try and officially be her friend… that sounds stupid. Unfortunately, I’ve really never just become friends with someone. Anyone that I actually (ocassionally) “hang out” with, I’ve known since high school. I don’t just go up to people and say “Gosh your a nice lady, can we be friends?”

I received my one (and only) birthday card in the mail today (besides the sappy ones from my mom and grandmother, the one with death in the rear view mirror and the caption “Items in the the mirror are closer than you think” from my aunt and uncle, and the email one from my sister with a farting frog. So I got some cards from my family, but it was nice to get a card from a “non-family”. It was the neatest card, with Olivia the pig. Jack loved it, because I’d like to believe that he remembered that Olivia was the pig in his board book. Olivia was exercizing, and she really likes exercising, but she REALLY likes accesorizing. (What girl doesn’t?) I was very happy to get the card, and it reminds me why I think that the person who gave me the card is a very cool person.

Thank you for the card, if you read this post… and ever speak to me again, since I sound like I’m off my meds and need to get back on. I guess I may have to listen in on the journal writing program that I’m having at my library on Thursday. Maybe the presenter will help teach me how to write and not sound like an idiot.
(Jeff, I know that you are reading this, and since we’re married, I know that you know that I’m a crazy chick, but you can stop shaking your head, or whatever you are doing…)

Oh well, its almost my birthday. We’re all allowed one day to become total crack heads, right? Still, I should probably stop while I’m ahead… if I’m even ahead anymore!

This entry was posted on Monday, April 17th, 2006 at 10:14 pm and is filed under General Rantings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.