Cathy the Librarian

I went back to work today. It was really pretty exhausting to start working again after lying on the couch for two weeks. Still it was nice to be able to do something constructive. Everyone at work was pretty great about me taking it easy, however I’ve started to feel like I’m nothing but a fetus carrier, and not a person anymore. This is a feeling that I get not just from work, but from everywhere: doctor, friends, family, strangers. I’m just a belly with legs… its pretty creepy, I know but then again I am pregnant and therefor crazy.
I’ve been feeling quite panicky recently. I can’t really imagine why, but there you go. I’m really scared that after the little guy is born, there will be lots of people who want to visit him and hold him, but bit by bit, it will be like I’ve dropped off the face of the earth and swallowed up into a cavernous black pit. I’ll end up spending all my time caring for Jack and forgetting to wash my hair or change my clothes and I’ll begin to (or continue to, depending on who you talk to) lose my mind.

I just found out my little sis updated her website (click on the title to check it out)… That’s more than I can say for my website, which has pretty much died. I think it says that I still attend Geneseo (which I graduated from in 1999) Eeek. This is pathetic. Anyway, my sister’s got a cute website that mentions that her big sister’s first baby is due on March 27th…

Speaking of which, I have quite a lot to tell you about the little guy. I had a horrible cold and took Sudafed, which dried me out. I had an ultrasound because Jack was breech. Luckily by the time we had the ultrasound he had turned. Unfortunately, my amniotic fluid levels were really low, so I had to take a non-stress test, which came out okay. The doctor didn’t want to take any chances though, so I was put on bed rest. Not being able to do anything but lie on the couch and go to the bathroom gets boring really quickly, but I did it. I had to do weekly non-strees tests, and I had to have another ultrasound. My husband says that he looks like an Easter Island statue. So what do you think? I know, I know it’s that one eyeball staring right at you. Kinda freaky, but it’s still my little guy.

Little Jack looking at his mom…
Link: http://www.geneseo.edu/~slh8/

I need to make a horrible confession… at least it seems horrible for a children’s librarian to admit this. I HATE the Harry Potter books. I finally started the Prisoner of Azkaban. I’m listening to the cds in my car, but I just can’t get through it. I turn it on and listen for about five minutes before I have to turn it off again. Harry Potter is such an annoying boy. I actually think he might be the most annoying character in the whole book. There is just something about him that makes me cringe.

More about my hatred of this “adorable” little boy later.

(oh my god. My cat just puked on my papasan chair. It makes me so ill. I hate her so much. oh great, now the dog just ate some of it. blek.)

People keep trying to remind me that women have been giving birth for thousands of years, and that due to all the leaps in medical technology women don’t need to “suffer” anymore. But I still don’t know what to expect. Lots of women have told me, don’t worry about it 20 minutes and you’ll have a baby. Unfortunately, I spoke to my mom, and she said that labor was really long and intense. Great. Thanks a lot mom and grandma. Luckily my mom is going to be in the delivery room, so I’ll be able to yell at her a lot (instead of my husband, who will stil be there, but I won’t have to yell at him. Well as much.) I vaguely remember my mom being in labor with my youngest sister. She was pacing back and forth and my dad was timing her contractions. I’m guessing it will be a couple hours of pain, with bones breaking and things spreading apart and lots of crying.

I’m also petrified of the epidural. Needles in the back, unable to feel my lower body and having a catheter in the back and the possibility of back problems after birth are pretty discouraging. Plus I looked up information on epidurals, and came across this faq. I’ve been trying (although not so hard recently) to educate myself, but maybe it would be better if I didn’t know anything. Ergh! I really don’t know if I want an epidural (well I know I don’t want an epidural), but I don’t want to have to go through all the pain either. The things we do to ensure that we are remembered when we die, and so that our family line is carried on. Stupid.

I think a little bit of me is scared of being responcible for another life (we have a dog and two cats, but I don’t think they expect very much, and as long as we don’t beat them, they probably won’t be traumatized) and it will be a small defenseless life at that. I’ve been wanting to say that yes, I am ready, but some part of me doesn’t really believe it. I want my child to be well rounded and a good citizen, but it’ll mean I have to be so dedicated and conscious of everything that happens to him. It sounds like a lot of work! But I guess that when its your own child you’re talking about, maybe it doesn’t always seem like work. Who knows. I sure as hell don’t. At least I’ll make sure that he reads. I guess thats part of the package when your mom’s a children’s librarian. You have to read.

So baby shower registering begins. This is such a scary scary thing. Masses of crazy pregnant women with sore feet who have to pee and husbands who look like they’d prefer to be at the electronics store next door. We were able to register at Target and Babies R Us one right after the other, because they’re right next door to each other and just in case my husband had a panic attack, there was a Best Buy and a hardware store next to them.

There is SO MUCH STUFF to look at! Its amazing people don’t fall over with shock from trying to figure out what they’re going to need. So far I’m getting the picture that I’m going to need lots of wash cloths, blankets, onesies, diapers, burp cloths, fitted sheets and bibs. Anything that a baby can poop or puke on we need lots of. Its crazy! As soon as you turn a corner, there’s more of the same stuff to look at, and then you start second guessing yourself. Do I need the ducky or the doggy wash cloth? Oh! And the doctor NEVER mentions that you’re going to start talking so that everything ends in “eeey”. Poopy, doggy, kitty, baby, hammy, Cathy. EVERYTHING! Even my husband started speaking like this. Its crazeeey!

Anyway Babies R Us should be illegal. Its enough to make new moms-to-be want to run out in front of a car.

Yes I am still alive… you know, I thought that I would be updating this all the time and using this instead of a journal, but life is so crazy sometimes and you spend most of your day in front of a computer, why spend your night in front of a computer (although this does not seem to be an issue for my husband, he spends all day in front of computers and loves it).

I find it highly amusing that I am giving a presentation to other librarians about blogs, and I haven’t updated this site in half a year and my blog for teens in over a month. I am really slipping. I guess this is one of the fortunate things about blogs. No one knows your name… well my name really is Cathy, but really let’s not get picky. No one can call you and complain, and I’m sure hardly anyone ever looks here (especially since I haven’t updated this in half a year… urg) so I’m doing good.

Onto the subject that takes up most of my life right now (besides preparing for summer reading so I’m ready when I get back to work).

Baby update:

I am having a boy on March 27 2004 (or somewhere roundabout that date). Trying to register for baby stuff is a nightmare. I don’t know how people do this. There is so much stuff and you turn a corner and BAM more of the same stuff, only slightly different. How do you know which one is the best pacifer? Which blanket will keep them warmer and soak up the most barf? Which glider can you sit in for an hour and feed your kid without your butt falling asleep? How many pacifers and sheets and washclothes and bottles and onesies do I need? HOW DO I DO ALL THIS WITHOUT LOSING MY MIND??

Everyone at the library is really great. I think that’s one of the great things about the field. Its mostly women, and since I’m only twenty-five, they’re mostly my mom’s age, they understand all the gross things that are happening to me, and they want to take care of me. Plus, being a children’s librarian is twice as nice because you work with a lot of moms who have lots of young kids and have just been through the process recently. Granted, most people want to give you advice or sometimes pat your belly (grrrr), but on the whole, the experience hasn’t been so bad… well except for all the crazy nasty things my body has been doing.

Recently, I have been swelling up. My feet look like ham hocks, my fingers like little sausages, and I feel like hell. I have a cold (can’t take any medications) I’m tired (found out I’m anemic) and I can’t remember my name (in fact I can remember anything most days).

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while…
It’s because
I’m pregnant!
Life is crazy right now (tired all the time, sick to my stomach, cranky) but I love it, because I’M PREGNANT!

My storytimes are done for the summer! Finally. Thank god, because I am so tired. Fortunately, the kids really liked it, but I was ready for a break… Now on to the Summer Reading Program! This is the first year (ever, possibly) that the library is doing the state summer reading program. This year it is called Read White and Blue which I think is pretty silly, but I want to be involved in what the rest of NYS is doing. Call me crazy, but I don’t want to be the odd (wo)man out. So here it goes. It should be fun. The kids are going to travel (with little paper cars) around the USA and visit weird places. they’ll get prizes along the way and entries into a grand prize drawing.
My personal life isn’t anything to shout about (boring) but at least I’m keeping busy at my job.

I guess this is going to be a recurring theme in my posts. I haven’t written in this blog in so long because I’ve been trying to work on the two blogs that I started for my library. It’s frustrating trying to come up with new and interesting things to say to kids, because you want them to keep coming back. Plus I’ve been trying to finish up story time. Only two more weeks left! Not that I’m excited or anything…

I also invited the high school seniors portfolio class to paint a mural in the children’s area. It’s starting to look so cool!

On a non-library note, I finally convinced my husband that we need to add on to our little family. So now all the work begins!

I will encourage myself to write in this more often, but sometimes I forget how crazy life gets. Blegh